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a_t_rainWhew. I can't believe I started this back before Christmas, but at least I finished it in time for it to count as Shakespeare's birthday fic.
Previous installments are here
Epilogue: Out of Time
“My new-crown’d lord,” said Osric, “requests your presence in his chamber.” He gave a sniff that clearly expressed what he thought of Hamlet’s taste in companions.
“Tell him I’ll be there as soon as I finish this potion.”
Osric sniffed again. “It is not the custom in Denmark to keep the king waiting.”
“Well, it’s not the custom in my country to interrupt a wizard when he’s brewing a potion. In fact, it can be quite hazardous to your safety.”
Ophelia looked up from her reading. “I’ll finish the potion, Severus. I know how.”
Grumbling, Severus thrust the cauldron in her direction.
He arrived at the royal chamber to find that someone else was already inside. A voice was saying urgently, “My lord, I am too low of birth – I am not schooled in the ways of the court.”
“Thou’lt learn, Horatio. Do not, I pray thee, think thyself more foolish than Polonius.”
Severus stood outside the doorway and coughed.
“Come in,” said King Hamlet.
Severus knelt beside the king’s bed; Ophelia had briefed him about the protocol on such occasions. “My lord,” he said, uncomfortably aware of how recently he had addressed someone else with those words.
“You may stand, Severus. ‘Tis I who should kneel before you, in all justice.”
Severus stood.
“I thank you for my life.”
“You’re welcome.” Severus wasn’t sure that this was how one talked to kings, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. At any rate, Hamlet didn’t seem offended.
“We have kept you long from your own country. May I ask if you are eager to return to England?”
“No,” said Severus. The thought of England, and the war, and the oath he had sworn filled him with despair. He could not go back and be what he had been; he was also not fool enough to think he could turn his back on it all and hope to live. “Definitely not.”
Hamlet nodded. “I thought not,” he said. “That is why I summoned you here. Every king needs a council – advisors who help him govern. I trust few of those who were about Claudius, so I mean to start anew. Horatio shall be my Lord Chamberlain – yes, you shall, Horatio, and I’ll brook no more disagreement, unless it be about matters of state.”
Horatio, who had looked like he was about to interrupt the king, subsided into silence.
“Marcellus shall remain captain of the guard. He was my father’s man and not Claudius’s, so I trust him with my life. And I mean to make Laertes Master of the Horse.”
“Laertes?” Severus forgot everything Horatio had told him about how to talk to a king. “Didn’t he try to kill you yesterday?”
Hamlet explained that when someone tried to kill you, you could either have them executed or make them one of your closest advisers, and in Laertes’ case he had several excellent reasons for preferring the latter.
“You are mad,” said Severus. “I wash my hands clean of you.”
“I am sorry to hear that.” Hamlet’s eyes were bright with suppressed laughter. “I was about to offer you the position of Court Wizard.”
Court wizard? Severus tried to recall what little he knew of court wizards. He wished he had paid more attention in old Binns’s class. In the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, he knew, wizards had often risen to positions of great respect and influence in Muggle courts; some said they were, more often than not, the power behind the power. He had a vague recollection of a story about the Borgias, and something about a Duchess of Gloucester who had almost become queen. The details were gone, now. The rest of his knowledge about court wizards came from a little green book that Lucius Malfoy had lent him, 1,001 Sayings and Opinions of the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord had regarded them as loathsome, cringing dogs, good for nothing but licking their Muggle lords’ filthy feet.
King Hamlet, however, seemed far less likely to demand foot-licking than Lord Voldemort, an irony that was not lost on Severus.
“I know that you must want for books,” said Hamlet. “There has been no wizard at court since Corambis. Whatever you wish to buy, you may have. And if you would travel, to meet with other scholars, you shall do it with my blessing.”
Severus cleared his throat uncomfortably. He imagined a twinge of pain in his left arm, but that was surely a trick of his mind; he had felt nothing since he came to Elsinore. “Look, I’m much obliged to you, but I can’t – I mean, I don’t think I’m the kind of wizard you want. And to be perfectly frank, I’m not sure I want to be bound –”
“Severus, it is not bondage I offer you, but freedom.”
“I will think about it.”
“If that is your way of inquiring about your salary, would ten thousand ducats a year be enough? You would, of course, have an allowance for wine and candles.”
“Er. How much is that in Galleons?”
Hamlet looked puzzled. “If you want a galleon, I suppose that could be managed. But would it not be simpler to buy passage on a ship?”
“Never mind. How soon do you need an answer?”
“When you will.”
* * *
“You’re thinking of what?” said Black.
“You heard me the first time.”
Lupin bit his lip and wrinkled his forehead. “But I don’t think you can. I mean, the way Faustus explained the potion, you only get sent backward or forward in time long enough to plug some plotholes. And then once they’re all fixed, you come home – only it doesn’t quite seem to have worked, in your case.”
“What if they’re never fixed?” Severus asked. “What if, every time you plug one plothole, it creates a new one, ad infinitum? What if I never run out of work to do here?”
“You can’t go on being a – a plothole plumber,” said Lupin. “I mean – that isn’t really a career.”
“Court wizard is,” Severus said triumphantly. “What do you say to that?”
“Court wizard?” said Black. “Like one of those blokes back in the Dark Ages? You can’t be serious.”
“Look around you.” Severus waved a hand around the palace hall. “Gorgeous art and architecture. Good wine. First editions of Cornelius Agrippa. On the other hand, back in the twentieth century, violence, terror, madness, and disco music. Define ‘Dark Ages,’ will you?”
“Sooner or later,” Lupin insisted, “you have to come home.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. But you don’t belong here. This isn’t your time.”
“Time is a funny thing,” said Severus. “Sometimes stepping out of it can save you.” He had a vague idea that someone had said something like this before, but at any rate, it sounded clever.
“So you want us to leave you here? Stranded in the sixteenth century?”
“I’m not stranded,” said Severus. “I want to stay. The Danes want me to stay. Dumbledore and Faustus might not think they want me to stay, but they don’t really give a damn what happens to me, and I’m not fool enough to think you and Black want me back. If it’s your own reputations you’re worried about, I’ll give you a letter so they know I’m staying here of my own free will. That covers all of the people who are involved, really. What’s the problem?”
“Won’t your family miss –”
“No,” said Severus.
“Moony, you’re wasting your time. If he wants to stay, let him. We’ve been here four days already, and I’m damned if I’m going to miss the wedding.”
“What wedding?” Severus demanded.
Lupin looked deeply uncomfortable. “Er –”
“What wedding?”
Black and Lupin exchanged a look. Before either of them could answer, Ophelia burst into the room like a small blonde whirlwind and threw her arms around Severus.
“Severus, what do you think has happened? I tried to make my brother stay in bed but he would not, he insisted on seeing the king as soon as he could stand. And he went to the king’s bedchamber and fell down on his knees, and oh! he took out his dagger as if he meant to plunge it into his breast. He said that he had plotted against his lord’s life and was unworthy to live, but he asked that his treason might be pardoned for my sake. And King Hamlet told Marcellus to take the dagger from him and made the most beautiful speech – I cannot remember all he said, for I know no colors of rhetoric, but he made my brother understand that all was forgiven. And, think of it, he has appointed Laertes Master of the Horse! ‘Twill suit him perfectly. I think he is the wisest king Denmark has ever had. And then he turned to me – the king, I mean – and bade me seek you out and ask if you were ready to give him your answer, though he did not say to what question.”
“Tell him –” said Severus, shaking his head in bemusement at this speech. “Tell him I’ll stay. But only because you lot seem to need me to keep you from killing yourselves.”
“Are you not going home with the ambassadors? Oh, I am glad! Do you know anything about doctoring horses, and will you teach it to me so that I can help my brother in his work?”
* * *
“Give Dumbledore and Faustus these letters,” said Severus at five minutes to midnight. “I’ve explained that I’m well and safe and I’ve taken a new job. Don’t tell anyone exactly where I am, whatever you do.”
“All right,” said Lupin. “Severus – I don’t mean to pry, but are you in any sort of trouble?”
“Not any more.”
“Are you sure you want to stay here? There are – other ways to disappear. If you should happen to need one, hypothetically speaking.”
“I’m very sure.”
“He doesn’t want our help, Moony.”
Lupin shrugged. “I just thought I’d ask.”
Two minutes to midnight. Severus remembered something. “What was that wedding you were talking about before?”
Lupin and Black exchanged another meaningful glance. “Well, er. This is a bit awkward, but you’ve every right to know. James and Lily ... Well, they’re engaged. They wanted to have the wedding at once, given the circumstances.” Lupin looked as if he were on the verge of saying “I’m sorry,” thought better of it, and waited for a reaction.
“Oh,” said Severus. He found that the news did not hurt as much as it ought to have done. “Give her my congratulations,” he added at last. “I’m sure they’ll have a very boring life together.”
And, because there was no one to hear a certain prophecy, indeed they did.
Previous installments are here
Epilogue: Out of Time
“My new-crown’d lord,” said Osric, “requests your presence in his chamber.” He gave a sniff that clearly expressed what he thought of Hamlet’s taste in companions.
“Tell him I’ll be there as soon as I finish this potion.”
Osric sniffed again. “It is not the custom in Denmark to keep the king waiting.”
“Well, it’s not the custom in my country to interrupt a wizard when he’s brewing a potion. In fact, it can be quite hazardous to your safety.”
Ophelia looked up from her reading. “I’ll finish the potion, Severus. I know how.”
Grumbling, Severus thrust the cauldron in her direction.
He arrived at the royal chamber to find that someone else was already inside. A voice was saying urgently, “My lord, I am too low of birth – I am not schooled in the ways of the court.”
“Thou’lt learn, Horatio. Do not, I pray thee, think thyself more foolish than Polonius.”
Severus stood outside the doorway and coughed.
“Come in,” said King Hamlet.
Severus knelt beside the king’s bed; Ophelia had briefed him about the protocol on such occasions. “My lord,” he said, uncomfortably aware of how recently he had addressed someone else with those words.
“You may stand, Severus. ‘Tis I who should kneel before you, in all justice.”
Severus stood.
“I thank you for my life.”
“You’re welcome.” Severus wasn’t sure that this was how one talked to kings, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. At any rate, Hamlet didn’t seem offended.
“We have kept you long from your own country. May I ask if you are eager to return to England?”
“No,” said Severus. The thought of England, and the war, and the oath he had sworn filled him with despair. He could not go back and be what he had been; he was also not fool enough to think he could turn his back on it all and hope to live. “Definitely not.”
Hamlet nodded. “I thought not,” he said. “That is why I summoned you here. Every king needs a council – advisors who help him govern. I trust few of those who were about Claudius, so I mean to start anew. Horatio shall be my Lord Chamberlain – yes, you shall, Horatio, and I’ll brook no more disagreement, unless it be about matters of state.”
Horatio, who had looked like he was about to interrupt the king, subsided into silence.
“Marcellus shall remain captain of the guard. He was my father’s man and not Claudius’s, so I trust him with my life. And I mean to make Laertes Master of the Horse.”
“Laertes?” Severus forgot everything Horatio had told him about how to talk to a king. “Didn’t he try to kill you yesterday?”
Hamlet explained that when someone tried to kill you, you could either have them executed or make them one of your closest advisers, and in Laertes’ case he had several excellent reasons for preferring the latter.
“You are mad,” said Severus. “I wash my hands clean of you.”
“I am sorry to hear that.” Hamlet’s eyes were bright with suppressed laughter. “I was about to offer you the position of Court Wizard.”
Court wizard? Severus tried to recall what little he knew of court wizards. He wished he had paid more attention in old Binns’s class. In the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, he knew, wizards had often risen to positions of great respect and influence in Muggle courts; some said they were, more often than not, the power behind the power. He had a vague recollection of a story about the Borgias, and something about a Duchess of Gloucester who had almost become queen. The details were gone, now. The rest of his knowledge about court wizards came from a little green book that Lucius Malfoy had lent him, 1,001 Sayings and Opinions of the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord had regarded them as loathsome, cringing dogs, good for nothing but licking their Muggle lords’ filthy feet.
King Hamlet, however, seemed far less likely to demand foot-licking than Lord Voldemort, an irony that was not lost on Severus.
“I know that you must want for books,” said Hamlet. “There has been no wizard at court since Corambis. Whatever you wish to buy, you may have. And if you would travel, to meet with other scholars, you shall do it with my blessing.”
Severus cleared his throat uncomfortably. He imagined a twinge of pain in his left arm, but that was surely a trick of his mind; he had felt nothing since he came to Elsinore. “Look, I’m much obliged to you, but I can’t – I mean, I don’t think I’m the kind of wizard you want. And to be perfectly frank, I’m not sure I want to be bound –”
“Severus, it is not bondage I offer you, but freedom.”
“I will think about it.”
“If that is your way of inquiring about your salary, would ten thousand ducats a year be enough? You would, of course, have an allowance for wine and candles.”
“Er. How much is that in Galleons?”
Hamlet looked puzzled. “If you want a galleon, I suppose that could be managed. But would it not be simpler to buy passage on a ship?”
“Never mind. How soon do you need an answer?”
“When you will.”
* * *
“You’re thinking of what?” said Black.
“You heard me the first time.”
Lupin bit his lip and wrinkled his forehead. “But I don’t think you can. I mean, the way Faustus explained the potion, you only get sent backward or forward in time long enough to plug some plotholes. And then once they’re all fixed, you come home – only it doesn’t quite seem to have worked, in your case.”
“What if they’re never fixed?” Severus asked. “What if, every time you plug one plothole, it creates a new one, ad infinitum? What if I never run out of work to do here?”
“You can’t go on being a – a plothole plumber,” said Lupin. “I mean – that isn’t really a career.”
“Court wizard is,” Severus said triumphantly. “What do you say to that?”
“Court wizard?” said Black. “Like one of those blokes back in the Dark Ages? You can’t be serious.”
“Look around you.” Severus waved a hand around the palace hall. “Gorgeous art and architecture. Good wine. First editions of Cornelius Agrippa. On the other hand, back in the twentieth century, violence, terror, madness, and disco music. Define ‘Dark Ages,’ will you?”
“Sooner or later,” Lupin insisted, “you have to come home.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. But you don’t belong here. This isn’t your time.”
“Time is a funny thing,” said Severus. “Sometimes stepping out of it can save you.” He had a vague idea that someone had said something like this before, but at any rate, it sounded clever.
“So you want us to leave you here? Stranded in the sixteenth century?”
“I’m not stranded,” said Severus. “I want to stay. The Danes want me to stay. Dumbledore and Faustus might not think they want me to stay, but they don’t really give a damn what happens to me, and I’m not fool enough to think you and Black want me back. If it’s your own reputations you’re worried about, I’ll give you a letter so they know I’m staying here of my own free will. That covers all of the people who are involved, really. What’s the problem?”
“Won’t your family miss –”
“No,” said Severus.
“Moony, you’re wasting your time. If he wants to stay, let him. We’ve been here four days already, and I’m damned if I’m going to miss the wedding.”
“What wedding?” Severus demanded.
Lupin looked deeply uncomfortable. “Er –”
“What wedding?”
Black and Lupin exchanged a look. Before either of them could answer, Ophelia burst into the room like a small blonde whirlwind and threw her arms around Severus.
“Severus, what do you think has happened? I tried to make my brother stay in bed but he would not, he insisted on seeing the king as soon as he could stand. And he went to the king’s bedchamber and fell down on his knees, and oh! he took out his dagger as if he meant to plunge it into his breast. He said that he had plotted against his lord’s life and was unworthy to live, but he asked that his treason might be pardoned for my sake. And King Hamlet told Marcellus to take the dagger from him and made the most beautiful speech – I cannot remember all he said, for I know no colors of rhetoric, but he made my brother understand that all was forgiven. And, think of it, he has appointed Laertes Master of the Horse! ‘Twill suit him perfectly. I think he is the wisest king Denmark has ever had. And then he turned to me – the king, I mean – and bade me seek you out and ask if you were ready to give him your answer, though he did not say to what question.”
“Tell him –” said Severus, shaking his head in bemusement at this speech. “Tell him I’ll stay. But only because you lot seem to need me to keep you from killing yourselves.”
“Are you not going home with the ambassadors? Oh, I am glad! Do you know anything about doctoring horses, and will you teach it to me so that I can help my brother in his work?”
* * *
“Give Dumbledore and Faustus these letters,” said Severus at five minutes to midnight. “I’ve explained that I’m well and safe and I’ve taken a new job. Don’t tell anyone exactly where I am, whatever you do.”
“All right,” said Lupin. “Severus – I don’t mean to pry, but are you in any sort of trouble?”
“Not any more.”
“Are you sure you want to stay here? There are – other ways to disappear. If you should happen to need one, hypothetically speaking.”
“I’m very sure.”
“He doesn’t want our help, Moony.”
Lupin shrugged. “I just thought I’d ask.”
Two minutes to midnight. Severus remembered something. “What was that wedding you were talking about before?”
Lupin and Black exchanged another meaningful glance. “Well, er. This is a bit awkward, but you’ve every right to know. James and Lily ... Well, they’re engaged. They wanted to have the wedding at once, given the circumstances.” Lupin looked as if he were on the verge of saying “I’m sorry,” thought better of it, and waited for a reaction.
“Oh,” said Severus. He found that the news did not hurt as much as it ought to have done. “Give her my congratulations,” he added at last. “I’m sure they’ll have a very boring life together.”
And, because there was no one to hear a certain prophecy, indeed they did.
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 07:07 am (UTC)And he's probably right about the dark ages bit, except for the lack of plumbing. I guess he's a wizard, though, so it doesn't matter so much to him.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 10:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 12:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 11:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 12:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 11:40 am (UTC)In the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, he knew, wizards had often risen to positions of great respect and influence in Muggle courts; some said they were, more often than not, the power behind the power. He had a vague recollection of a story about the Borgias, and something about a Duchess of Gloucester who had almost become queen.
I want to read this. So. Badly.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 02:13 pm (UTC)Priceless!! You know, sometimes I agree with Severus :-).
Lovely ending, too. Everyone lives happily ever after. Even James and Lily.
MM
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 05:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 09:39 pm (UTC)And Snape will live happily ever after, that's such a strange notion, yet a good one. I'm glad!
Oooh, will there be more hilarious Shakespeare/Harry Potter crossovers? This was all so good.
Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 10:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 02:41 am (UTC)Snort. And then, please file under "Things I will be saying to the variously uncomprehending for the rest of my life."
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Date: 2009-04-25 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 10:39 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for writing such a hugely entertaining story. :)
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Date: 2009-05-09 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-09 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-09 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-24 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-26 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-25 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-26 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-26 01:51 pm (UTC)I was missing out.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-15 10:28 pm (UTC)