more No-Fear Shakespeare lunacy

[a_t_rain]

'Cos sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, here are some choice excerpts from Twelfth Night 2.3.

Real Shakespeare: "The Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses."

No-Fear Shakespeare: "Great warriors aren’t mom-and-pop diners, you know."

Real Shakespeare: "A contagious breath."

No-Fear Shakespeare: "His breath stinks." (N.B. No, this is NOT what it means at all.)

Real Shakespeare: "Let our catch be 'Thou Knave'."

No-Fear Shakespeare: "Let's dance to 'You Jerk'."

Real Shakespeare: "Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey."

No-Fear Shakespeare: "Malvolio's Little Bo-Peep."

If anybody else feels like playing, their home page is here.

Comments

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Real Shakespeare: I say unto you again, you are a shallow, cowardly hind, and you lie.

No-Fear Shakespeare: I’ll say it once again: you are a stupid, cowardly dog, and a liar. (Uh, NO. Shallow is not the same thing as stupid, and a hind is a deer, not a misspelled "hound.")

Real Shakespeare: Revoke thy gift, or whilst I can vent clamor from my throat, I’ll tell thee thou dost evil.

No-Fear Shakespeare: If you don’t, then as long as I’m able to speak I’ll keep telling you you’ve done a bad, bad thing. (Doing something that is evil is not the same thing as doing a bad bad thing. Parents who give kids bad names are doing a bad, bad thing. Evil is not so trivial as that.)

Real Shakespeare: Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds,
Toward Phoebus' lodging. Such a wagoner
As Phaeton would whip you to the west
And bring in cloudy night immediately.
Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,
That runaways' eyes may wink, and Romeo
Leap to these arms, untalked of and unseen.
Lovers can see to do their amorous rites
By their own beauties, or, if love be blind,
It best agrees with night. Come, civil night,
Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,
And learn me how to lose a winning match
Played for a pair of stainless maidenhoods.
Hood my unmanned blood bating in my cheeks,
With thy black mantle, till strange love, grow bold,
Think true love acted simple modesty.
Come, night. Come, Romeo. Come, thou day in night,
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night
Whiter than new snow upon a raven’s back.
Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-browed night,
Give me my Romeo.

No-Fear Shakespeare: I wish the sun would hurry up and set and night would come immediately. When the night comes and everyone goes to sleep, Romeo will leap into my arms, and no one will know. Beauty makes it possible for lovers to see how to make love in the dark. Or else love is blind, and its best time is the night. I wish night would come, like a widow dressed in black, so I can learn how to submit to my husband and lose my virginity. Let the blood rushing to my cheeks be calmed. In the darkness, let me, a shy virgin, learn the strange act of sex so that it seems innocent, modest, and true. Come, night. Come, Romeo. You’re like a day that comes during the night. You’re whiter than snow on the black wings of a raven. Come, gentle night. Come, loving, dark night. Give me my Romeo.

There are no words for the last one. Except ARRRGH.

[fuunsaiki.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaaand we're back to weeping. D: That's AWFUL! D: