fandom corrupts my brain

[a_t_rain]

:: goes looking to see if anyone else is writing ImpSec casefic ::

:: types "Imp-" into the tag search box on AO3 ::

Impala sex? This is a thing that people write about? Often enough for it to pop up in a list of commonly used tags?

... Oh. Sex in an Impala. Not sex with impalas. Or, you know, some sort of "everyone's an impala" AU that happens to include sex.

:: ponders the fact that for half a minute, the other two possibilities actually sounded plausible ::

ETA: So I seem to have written "everyone's an impala" HP crackfic in the comments. I think I really, really don't want to grade papers tonight. If anybody feels like taking a shot at another fandom, have fun!

Comments

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

For the rest of her life, Hermione would regret the evening she offered to make dinner for the surviving members of the Order of the Phoenix.

They had been working long hours in the aftermath of the second war, and pasta with tinned sauce had seemed foolproof enough. It had tasted fine, too. Half an hour after the meal, while she and Ron were doing the dishes and most of the others had scattered to separate corners of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, it became apparent that something was very wrong. The house had vanished, and they found themselves on a wide, sunlit savanna.

She turned to Ron and tried to speak, but she could only manage a strange chittering sound, something between a chirp and a yelp. Ron couldn't have replied, anyway, because he had turned into a strange deer-like beast, with a striped rump and a handsome, curving pair of horns.

There were more beasts like that all around them. She was one, too. She remembered the package of pasta, labeled Serengeti Spaghetti, and thought, Oh no... She'd taken it for a wizarding brand, but apparently it was one of George's test products for the new shop.

Beside her, Ron gave a snort and attempted to charge two of the other members of the herd, who were all too clearly mating. The female was a lovely shade of red in the evening light, and the male had markings about his eyes that looked a lot like glasses.

Ron, she tried to communicate telepathically, it is okay for Harry and Ginny to be having sex. They've been together for quite a while, and they're both of age. Granted, it was a little weird for them to be having sex in front of the rest of the herd, but they were, after all, wild animals now, and they'd probably been taken by surprise when the walls of Grimmauld Place had vanished.

Ron was still charging, his head down and his horns pointing straight at the unfortunate couple. They looked alarmingly sharp. Hermione ran and leapt in front of Ron -- her slender legs and hooves were delightfully swift -- and all four animals went down in a tangle of limbs and horns. And then the spell broke, and everyone transformed back into a human.

Oh no. It wasn't Harry and Ginny. It was Arthur and Molly.

"We are," said Hermione firmly, "never ever going to talk about this again."

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Okay, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the twist.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I have absolutely no idea what twisted corner of my brain this came from...

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

This is great -- though given what they've been through I hope they don't end up with a surprise eighth Weasley baby. Molly deserves a break! And of course the young people's horror at the middle-aged actually having sex never gets old.

I spent most of the week at Disney and waaay too much of that time at Cars Land, so you can guess where *my* mind went when I saw that tag :). I refuse to go looking for Cars slash, though. Life isn't long enough for it to be worth it.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I trust that wizards have effective birth control spells :)

It seems that the tag mostly gets used for Supernatural, which I've never seen, so that would explain why my brain didn't parse it properly.

[tempestsarekind.livejournal.com]

I don't actually watch Supernatural, but passive exposure to fandom meant that I TOTALLY read the tag "impala sex" as a) being about this show; and b) being about people having some kind of sex with a sentient Impala. I didn't even hesitate in that interpretation, and now I am concerned about my brain.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

... and upon closer inspection of the AO3 search results, it appears that there IS in fact an entire subgenre of Supernatural fic that involves sex with a sentient Impala. Sometimes turned into a human, sometimes not.

[tempestsarekind.livejournal.com]

oh god, I was right??? Oh, fandom, what even are you.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Ah ha ha, this is brilliant! Poor overworked Hermione, and trust George (no Fred, still sad) to be making dreadful things like Serengeti Spaghetti.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that such is my lack of engagement with Supernatural or US cars, that it took me several disconcerted moments to work out why having sex inside a dead animal was less weird than sex with a live one.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I am relieved that somebody else's mind seems to be going to equally strange places...

[nnozomi.livejournal.com]

For some reason my sleepy early-morning mind conflated the first few lines of this entry into "I was looking for ImpSec sex fics..." which presumably would be ImpSex, I suppose?
(Also, now I'm wondering how many people applied to George on the quiet afterwards for another packet...)

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I would totally want another packet. Free safaris, how can you go wrong?